List of funny quotes said by ordinary people

List of funny quotes said by ordinary people:

"I'd rather be disliked for who I am than liked for who I'm not."
"I cannot find a way to describe it. It's there inside, all I do is hide. I wish that iot would just go away."
"In love the paradox occurs that two beings become one and yet remain two." - Erich Fromm
"I love cars. It's the greatest physical object I've ever seen. I don't know why, really. My only theory is, when you're driving, you're outside and inside, moving and completely still, all at the same time. I think that's something." - Jerry Seinfeld
"Ch - ch - ch - CHIA!" - Chia - Pet Commercia
"Percent to the mizzle."
"I'm sorry. I'm ugly. Lately, I'm angry. It's f**ked up. I'm different, your my only escape."
"My son lied about his drug test to get a job and it worked."
"You know what I think? Your full of s**t."
"I love dating a girl to do drugs with."
"It will be a great day when our schools have all the money they need, and our air force has to have a bake - sale to buy a bomber." - Robert Fulghum
"You don't marry someone you can live with - you marry the person who you cannot live without."
"It's so much more friendly with two." ~Pooh's Little Instruction Book, inspired by A. A. Milne
"Slipping under the rador, don't lose your head, stay far away from conflict, find love in the quiet places, the secret places. Never cry in public and always remember my words."
"Hoo, hoo!" - Pillsbury Doughboy
"I've got to be honest. I think you know. We're covered in lies and thats ok. There's something beyong this, I know. But I hope I can find the words to say."
"Your the champion of my bleeding heart."
"I'll never understand until I'm readty to let myself be wrong."
"Finite is such a great word."
"It's better to burn out then to fade away."
"All this pain I thought I knew. All the thoughts lead back to you. Back to what was never said. Back and forth inside my head."
"You don't love a woman because she is beautiful, but she is beautiful because you love her."
"This guilt trip that you put me on won't mess me up, I've done no wrong."
"Why do I care so much that you dont care about me anymore?"
"Revenge is mine saith the lord. And you only hit me when your bored."
"You cant spell Darla without whore... yes you can... no you cant. Not if your name was Da-whore-la."
"Adolescent naivete spawned my optimism."
"My boyfriend used to ask his mother, 'How can I find the right woman for me?' and she would answer, 'Don't worry about finding the right woman - - concentrate on becoming the right man.'" - SARK
"I'm the kind of person to bare my soul to a stranger and I always wear my heart on my sleeve."
"We're nothing but humble pirates, miss."
"Turkey!"
"...listening to parents' advice is sort of like watching commercials. You know what's coming, you've heard it all before, it's a big bore, but you listen anyway." - Florence Parry Heide
"Zak is a mini version of Alex."
"Medicated drama queen, picture perfect narcassitic drama queen, craving frame, lying through your teeth again."
"...can prevent forest fires...What?"
"Here's a cig under the table."
"You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back." - Barbara De Angelis
"You complain about me, I'll praise God because your making me a better Christian"
"Yip, yip, yip, yip, yip! Uh - huh! Uh - huh!" - Sesame Street
"This is not the way I'm wired"
"I'm part Jewish cuz I dated a Jewish girl."
"Black is my wear."
"Mommy, Wow! I'm a big kid now!" - Pull - Up Diapers Commercial
"The culture we have does not make people feel good about themselves. And you have to strong enough to say is the culture doesn't word, don't but it."
"Expect the worst, hope for the best, and accept whatever happens"
"I am wearing a mask. I own two masks."
"For me, gender is not an issue. Why should I feel less for a person just because they have a certain appendage or not?"
"Jeff is a man-whore."
"I'm gonna pretend to be mad at you, ok?"
"Yum, yum, how do robots taste?"
"Freaks are people too." - Ricky Lake
"Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you when you think everythings ok then everything blows up in your face"
"Aren't you a porn star?"
"You is be mac nasty, off the hook like whoa!"
"Like a virgin! Hey! Touched for the very first time!"
"If you serve brocolli, I'll eat it. But I won't go to a restaraunt and order it."
"Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. "
"That would make you SOL"
"Metal was a good idea, then it got filled with bulls**t. Surprisingly, most people don't realize that."
"The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right next to them and knowing you can't have them"
"Anger is only one letter short of danger. "
"Who told you that?"
"Men always want to be a woman's first love - women like to be a man's last romance." - Oscar Wilde